I have a hard time accepting that while I can achieve anything, I can’t have everything. For example, I want to work, side hustle, get decent sleep, and keep my house clean. Oh, and I want all of that in addition to not sacrificing a moment of family time. I don’t like accepting that sometimes something has to give, and in fact most times I don’t. This usually results in me taking on more than I can handle and setting unrealistic expectations for myself. It almost always culminates into one giant meltdown.
I almost had that giant meltdown this weekend while driving home from the grocery store. The pressure of everything that I needed and wanted to do was weighing on me. In this dark moment I considered quitting all my freelance and VA jobs. The idea of quitting those side jobs felt for a moment freeing, but then almost instantly I was overcome with the feeling that if I quit those jobs I would be quitting on my goal and myself.
Since my son was born (almost four years ago) I’ve wanted to work less. Not quit working entirely; I need the balance of both, but I thought a four day work week would be a good compromise. A few years and a new baby ticked by and here I am still working five days per week. After talking and talking about how I wanted to work less, last May I finally schemed up a plan to make it happen. Then I put it out there for everyone to see. My primary goal is to reduce my hours at my full time job by July 1, 2015. I figured that I could make up the reduction in income by side hustling. I even thought I could make more money and I liked that idea! I knew it would be difficult and challenging, but I was ready to try.
So here we are over six months later, and this weekend I considered giving it all up. Here it was, my weekend, and I didn’t feel like doing any side work. The very last thing I felt like doing in my very limited free time was writing x amount of words on a topic I couldn’t come up with. It was probably the lowest I’ve felt since starting this journey.
I didn’t succumb to meltdown status. Honestly, I didn’t have time. I snapped out of my funk just enough to give myself a little pep talk with the reminder to just hang in there. I reminded myself that I only have six more working days until an (almost) two week vacation from work. This is time I get off from work every year during Christmas and the new year, and it’s always a nice period of down time. If I can use my time off wisely I can catch up and get ahead.
Also, I looked back at the goals I set in May. I’m unwavering in my goal to have a four day work week, because more than anything I want an extra day at home with my kids. What I don’t want is an extra day home with my kids where I’m chained to my laptop all day. I considered which was more important to me right now: spending more time with my kids and possibly making less money or working to the point of stress for more money and hope there would be additional time to spend with my kids.
I’m not going to quit anything. I couldn’t live with myself if I gave up this early in the game. I’m going to forge ahead and try to be more organized with my time. In the next few months I’ll be extremely busy with my gymnastics side hustle and realize I could feel completely different about my freelance side hustle once that work dies down. In a few months if I’m still feeling this way I’ll just have to reassess and adjust my goals.
Do you ever struggle with wanting anything and everything? Have you been in a similar position before? How did you handle it?